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Edward is dark,
brooding and wholly uninteresting. His internal conflict (oh
noes, I’m a sparkly monster) just comes off as whiney. I
can’t say that I blame Meyer for casting him in this light
because that’s exactly how most authors would depict him,
but that in and of itself is a problem. He’s not interesting
and he comes off as something of a stereotypical self-hating
vampire, with the exception that he’s more emo, less goth and shops at the GAP. Even the actor who portrays Edward on the silver screen, Robert Pattinson, hates his character.
"When you read the book," Says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid even without make-up, "It's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself'. I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated, the more i hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there. |
- Robert Pattinson in an interview with Empire Magazine. |
I couldn't have said it better myself
On to the other characters. Esme is a house
mom who happens to be a vampire. Her character comes off as more annoying than a
den-mother. There’s essentially no reason for her to be
considered the mother of the Cullen “Children” besides the
fact that she’s having hot, vampire sex with the man who
“saved” the rest of the Cullen Family.
Rosalie is a
complete twat and there’s no real explanation for
her character. She exists as the bitchy sister who points
out the obvious at every turn. “Oh, if we’re discovered then
we’ll have to leave!” Oh, no shit, Sherlock. She's there essentially to be the devil's advocate to the Cullen Family. She, out of all of them, hates being a vampire the most and hates Bella for wanting to become one. In that sense, she's the most intelligent character in the series which is really saying nothing at all for the intelligence of the other characters.
If Bella weren’t
the most obvious depiction of a helpless little Mary Sue
then Twilight may have been salvageable. However, Bella is a
dry, uninteresting character. In fact, the entire Twilight
saga would have been better off it told through Edwards
point of view. If you haven’t read the leaked
half-manuscript of “Midnight Sun” then I suggest you do. No excuses, it's free via Stephenie Meyer's website which I refuse to link to on principle.
Though the writing still comes off as though written by a
sixteen year old Ugly Betty fan it has MUCH more potential
to be a fantastic book than Twilight ever had. Edward is
interesting, he has conflict, justified self-hatred, a
background and a level of angst that could be used so well
if Meyer hadn’t chickened out, leaked the manuscript herself
and pretended to be butthurt by it so she didn’t have to
write witty inner monologue any longer. The problem is, Meyer is better at writing inner monologue than she is at writing dialogue, which is why Edward is annoying in Twilight. He's mildly likeable in Midnight Sun.
Perhaps the only
interesting character in the entire Twilight Saga is Alice
and even she is annoying as hell. The most accurate depiction of her character than I can think of is a pixie on crack. So annoying... Oh! and she can see the future. How convenient it
is to have a character who can see the future and warn
everyone before any negative plotline befalls them?
Before I continue on to everything else that is horribly
wrong with the rest of the Twilight Saga how about I recap?
Bella is boring. Edward is hot and sparkly condensat-ie. Twilight fan girls are the dumbest, most
socially inept creatures on the face of the planet and
Stephenie Meyer may be single-handedly and inadvertently
bringing upon the apocalypse. You know, because Jesus hates
Twilight. Rinse, lather, repeat. Got it.
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